I’d have loved to tell you that I’ve beaten the terrible insomnia that’s been completely wrecking me for just shy of a month, but…no such luck. Having had a full three hours sleep last night, I am utterly exhausted.
I truly believe it to be one of the most debilitating things to have ever happened to me – tired to the point where I can hardly think, but am simply unable to sleep.
I started my day (around 07:30) with a most enjoyable walk – I reckon somewhere between 8km’s and 10km’s. I’ve always been a natural walker – and terrible at walking in a group as, I’ve been told, I walk too fast.
I just hate aimless wandering.
Back in town, I stopped for tea before heading home to work on the translation I just have to finish before I depart for Europe. Another lone customer at the coffee shop struck a conversation and, as it currently completely consumes my mind, it veered towards the Camino.
She mentioned how she thought one would make the best of friends on the Camino, and, to be honest, I have no idea what she said after that.
My mind just got stuck at ‘making friends’.
Though I do not want to over-intellectualise the concept, I thought about the concept of ‘making friends’ the entire day.
A lot of people I know – even those who claim to know me intimately – will describe me as a loner, when nothing can be further from the truth. It’s not so much that I want to be alone – as in all by myself.
That is simply not it.
While I can cope with only my own company, to me, being alone doesn’t necessarily exclude ‘my people’. Perhaps it is more accurate to say I prefer to be amongst those I feel comfortable with and, if that’s not possible, I’d rather be by myself.
You get people who, at all cost, have to have others around them, but I’ve always viewed this as fairly shallow, as they can seldom express what, if anything, these people contribute to the moment.
Me, on the other hand, while being considered a loner, do not mind a crowd at all – if the crowd is made up of people I feel comfortable with.
I don’t need an audience.
Some people do.
You simply can’t.
You can try, but why should you?
I have very few good, real friends, but I haven’t made a single one of them.
I merely became friends with who they are.
It reminds me of the Dionne Warwick song, Don’t make me over.
If you try to make friends, to your own liking, you’ll end up with no friends at all.
Another memory that came to me today…
Once, with a good friend, in a small town, we wiled away the evening in a dodgy pub, listening to the banter of the equally dodgy crowd.
The pub had a jukebox, and to lighten the mood we took turns in selecting songs we liked.
At some point in the evening she selected Desperado.
Told me it reminded her of her father.
I knew the song well, and we sat there singing it together.
We never made that friendship.
It was just there.
What we should have made was more of an effort to cherish the friendship.
It is no more.
Love your friends.
Tell them. They need to know what they mean to you.
But, for god’s sake…
Don’t make them!